Cullen’s New Word Order, Issue No. 1: A Morpligious Yarkbide’s Dirmenges

Fellow writers and everyday readers, we have a problem. Or at any rate, have a problem. I like mixing up my language in my writing. I like using flavorful words and striving for poetic effect or, sometimes, raw grit. Recently, though, I’ve realized:

There aren’t enough words in the English Language! (Or maybe I just want to try something silly.)

No, stop, don’t you roll your eyes at me! I swear all the good words have been used up already! They’re no fun and they barely count, so you know what? I’m going to make up my own words! You can’t stop me, readers, I have a Bachelor’s!

Yes, you’re right, that’s a complete non sequitur. I just don’t care–oh, and I should hope that if you like any of these words and choose to use them you’ll feel free, but please credit me should that happy event arise! It probably won’t because language is fluid, making words up is always going to come across as goofy, and this is the first time I’ve tried this. A writer can hope, yes? Let’s get this madness marching!

 

Agleeve: to rip apart with jerky, frantic motions. “I don’t know what happened–her ladyship only glanced at the letter a moment and then she positively agleeved it!”

Anirillious: possessing such speed as to flicker and be gone again before onlookers have fully processed what little they saw. “The anirillious projectile passed overhead with a hypersonic crack before shattering the barricade.”

Appiliorize: to pierce clean through, leaving a persistent hole. “We’ll need to appiliorize the individual planks or we’ll never be able to put this lattice together.”

Chalranz: a person who constantly creates positive expectations but is oblivious to their own failure to meet these expectations. “I want to like the guy, but he’s promised he’d make the deadline three months in a row and he keeps missing it. He’s a complete chalranz.”

Crevolize: to explode with extreme force. “The next salvo crevolized the embankment, showering the trench with debris.”

Crigalver: to generate extraordinary heat almost instantly. “I may have miscalculated when I tweaked the engine, ‘cuz it crigalvered when I tried to start it just now.”

Dirmenge: a niche idea presented as if it should be commonly understood in a context where no one would logically know it. “This entire post about making up words is a mess of dirmenges.”

Errack: an aesthetic attempt, be it clothing, music, or a sculpture, so overworked and busy that it stops being offensive and is simply bewildering. “The man has skill, but he needs to learn to control himself–he’s so terrified of doing too little that he creates a horrid errack every time!”

Flegrade: to wound or damage to the point of non-functionality; intended as a replacement for “cripple” without the history as a slur or ableist overtones. “A final salvo flegraded the corsair ship, leaving her wallowing in the vacuum.”

Irrithic: having constant motion which changes rhythm frequently but remains smooth. “The duelist’s irrithic strikes made him seem hypnotic–and that much harder to fight.”

Lochleous: lazy and hedonistic in a way that seems somehow endearing. “‘Lord Everett, you lochleous old bastard,’ the knight cried, ‘by God, you’ve doubled in size!'”

Maliprenia (adj. form “maliprent”): the acute emptiness felt immediately on learning one has committed to a course of action in which one has no prospect of success after it’s too late to turn back. “Seeing the enemy’s guns open fire–their ammunition not quite spent after all–the Sergeant was crushed by maliprenia.”

Morplige: a titanic effort put towards something with no prospect of yielding reward. “Look, I am trying to eat healthier, but it’s just feeling like a morplige at this point.”

Morzant: either an individual who refers to their lack of skill or ability in a “highbrow” area as a sort of inverse merit, or the trait of often doing so; “He’s a morzant prick–always talking about me as if I’m lower than him because he didn’t attend college!”

Nipredge: anything grudgingly accepted in place of a better or preferred option which is simply impossible to obtain. “Okay, fine, we can put some cheese on a few pieces of toast, but that’s just a nipredge for catering and you know it.”

Orachine: a work developed by someone with no awareness of other works which it closely resembles in several important areas. “My sculpture’s actually an orachine for Mr. Francetti’s work–we do very similar things with angular features and polishing, but I’d just never heard of him before!”

Paddenal: many smaller sounds which have the same sedative effect as white noise when combined, such as rain on windows or a distant crowd’s chatter. “A paddenal of clinking glasses and voices raised in toasts punctuated the speech’s end.”

Plaroscent: a pattern formed by differing but all highly-saturated shades of the same color, with brighter or darker mottlings adding interest. “The gown was plaroscent purple embroidered with golden mongeese.”

Slarothe (adj form “slarothing”): the acute, grainy agony inflicted by a deep cut from a sharp blade. “At the impact’s instant, slarothing doubled the man-at-arms over.”

Swalderbine: a person who, whether or not they are otherwise good, is simultaneously exhausting to interact with and yet impossible to tear oneself away from. “I used to drink at that bar all the time, but the bartender’s a complete swalderbine and it’s just not worth it anymore.”

Thracile: having a ravenous appetite which provokes intense irritability–a “professional” equivalent of “hangry”. “Look, Ben, I haven’t had a bite in ten hours. You give me a goddamn minute because I’m thracile right now and I’m going to lose it if I don’t eat.”

Thrugize: to cut cleanly through a target with a single stroke, especially if it’s large enough this is so difficult as to be nearly impossible. “The barbarian swung up his sword and thrugized the first goblin, snarling.”

Urdleck: a poor piece of work which is all the more infuriating because some of its elements show extreme potential. “I used to love his books, but they turned into such complete urdleck I hate thinking about them these days.”

Vesigont: either the trait of being alert/vigiliant or a person who does so. “The vesigont legion still holds the pass–for now.”

Yarkbide: a person who frequently criticizes or casts aspersions upon those more successful than themselves, regardless whether or not the yarkbide has any right to do so. Yarkbides are often morzant, but not inevitably so! “I used to run a blog, but I got sick of all the yarkbides picking holes in my stuff.”

Zorfoil: an object with a wing-like appearance or shape. “Aluminum zorfoils arranged at regular intervals along the roof made the church more interesting, but it was hard to call them anything other than tacky.”

(If you’re enjoying this completely unasked-for assault upon the honor of thesauruses everywhere, then please leave a like, share it with your friends wherever you may go online, and consider supporting me on Patreon! )

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